I believe that for us to work together effectively, we need to build trust.
As a therapist, I usually begin by asking clients to share their insecurities.
I’ve come to see that much of our suffering is self-created. This became clear while working with a male coach who, to my surprise, didn’t notice the imperfections that I thought were so obvious. I realized that the only thing standing between me and ‘success’ was the version of myself I kept clinging to—fueled by self-imposed fears and distractions. I no longer reach for ‘success’. I reach for God and have his will work through me for the sake of others.
I’ll start by showing my vulnerability.
Here are a few of the most profound realizations I’ve had as a mother, a therapist, and a Christian.
I have many regrets about my 40s. I spent far too much time ‘doing’ — focused on my duties as a mother and building my career — without being fully present. The memories from that time feel blurred as if I lived them without truly experiencing them. By my 50s, I knew something needed to change. I began prioritizing sleep, replaced early morning workouts with quiet time for reading, journaling, and prayer, and made space for meaningful moments with loved ones.
After watching my daughter display micro-managing behaviors, I used to vent to my husband about it. His response was always the same: “I wonder where she gets that from?” It hit me one day — I hadn’t realized that the way I saw myself was very different from how others experienced me. I learned a crucial lesson: our assumptions about ourselves are often just that — assumptions.
I’ve come to see that much of our suffering is self-created. This became clear while working with a male coach who, to my surprise, didn’t notice the imperfections I thought were so obvious. I realized that the only thing standing between me and my financial success was the version of myself I kept clinging to—fueled by self-imposed fears and distractions, rather than focusing on the feeling of my desires already fulfilled.
At 56, I redefined what love means to me. I used to believe that to love someone, you had to truly know them. But St. Thomas Aquinas said something that changed my view: “To love is to will the good of another.”
This new perspective allowed me to love even those connected to the loss of my two brothers.
During a separation from my husband, I faced an uncomfortable truth: anger and resentment were tools I used to avoid confronting myself. My thoughts, judgments, and assumptions clouded my vision and allowed me to avoid taking responsibility for my actions.