Recently, I came across an article in Chatelaine titled “I’m Not Single, But I Still Prefer to Live Alone.” It details the rising trend of “Living Apart Together” (LAT), where couples maintain intimate relationships without cohabiting. The article presents this as an enlightened choice—one that allows for autonomy, financial independence, and avoidance of domestic disputes.
But reading it made me pause. I found myself looking up the definition of commitment.
Commitment: the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause or activity.
Isn’t this what marriage is? Dedication, sacrifice, suffering, compromise—learning to get along with someone not just when it’s easy but when it’s challenging.
The Shift from “We” to “Me”
The growing appeal of LAT reflects a deeper cultural shift: the prioritization of individual freedom over shared responsibility. This mindset isn’t just influencing romantic relationships—it’s shaping the way we approach everything from work to friendships to faith. We are being conditioned to believe that commitment is an outdated burden, rather than the foundation of a meaningful life.
The article mentions how LAT couples enjoy “accountability without obligation”—a phrase that perfectly encapsulates the modern dilemma. We want the benefits of commitment without the sacrifice it requires. But is that truly commitment? Or is it simply convenience?
The Cost of Avoiding Commitment
This aversion to commitment is evident beyond relationships. We see it in business, where loyalty is replaced by short-term gains. We see it in politics, where election promises dissolve the moment the polls close. And we see it in marriages, where vows are often seen as conditional rather than sacred.
Relationships are hard work. Anyone who has been married long enough knows that love is not a constant feeling—it is a choice, made over and over again. Real commitment is not about avoiding discomfort; it is about enduring and growing through it.
What Are We Teaching the Next Generation?
Perhaps the most troubling aspect of this LAT trend is what it teaches our children. If they see us prioritizing our comfort over commitment, what will they learn about relationships? That love is transactional? That when things get tough, we simply opt out?
The traditional family structure has always provided a stable foundation for society. It is not perfect, but it has stood the test of time for a reason. The Chatelaine article, along with many others like it (How I Found Joy in My Divorce and What I’ve Learned From My Lifelong Journey in Polyamory), subtly promotes a culture where commitment is optional, where self-interest trumps sacrifice, and where autonomy is valued more than togetherness.
But what if we are missing the point?
Marriage: A Reflection of Something Greater
Marriage has always been more than just a social contract—it is a sacred bond. In Christian teaching, it reflects God’s love for us: selfless, enduring, and steadfast. Commitment in marriage is not about what we can get but what we can give.
Of course, there are valid reasons for some couples to live apart—illness, career demands, personal circumstances. But when avoidance of commitment becomes the norm, we should ask ourselves: Are we truly moving forward, or are we just running away from what’s difficult?
If we are to build a society that values relationships, resilience, and love, we need to rethink what we are glorifying. Commitment isn’t a prison—it is the foundation of something greater than ourselves. It is the work that transforms individuals into a family, that shapes character, and that, ultimately, leads to a deeper and more fulfilling life.
So, the next time we celebrate “freedom” from commitment, perhaps we should pause and ask: At what cost?