One warm beautiful night this past summer, I found myself lying on the dock, gazing up at the stars. I felt so small—just a speck of nothing amongst a much greater realm. It suggested getting out of myself, my needs, and my desires.
Losing myself in the vastness above me was humbling, almost freeing. It reminded me that I’m part of something far greater than myself.
Relationships, I realized, work the same way. When we focus less on ourselves and become more curious about the vastness of our partner—their inner thoughts, dreams, and emotions—we tap into something profound. Just as I was mesmerized by the stars, we should aim to be captivated by those we care for deeply.
Curiosity in Conflict
Curiosity can transform even the most challenging moments in a relationship. Imagine coming home after a rough day, feeling drained and discouraged. You turn to your partner for comfort, hoping they’ll be your refuge.
At that moment, their response makes all the difference. You’re left feeling unseen if they try to fix the problem or seem distracted. But if they lean in, genuinely curious about your day—asking how you felt, what happened, or how it’s affecting you—everything shifts.
It’s not just about feeling heard. When someone gets curious, it grounds you both in the present. Instead of dredging up past grievances or assuming how the conversation will unfold, curiosity keeps the dialogue fresh and connected. It’s like tethering yourself to the moment, preventing the spiral into old patterns or assumptions.
Keeping the Spark Alive
That night on the dock also reminded me of the thrill of discovery. There’s something magical about encountering the unfamiliar—whether it’s the stars above or the uncharted depths of a relationship.
Curiosity isn’t just a tool for conflict; it’s the key to keeping love alive. Think about the last time you felt awe. Maybe it was traveling to a new city, where everything felt novel and exciting. Relationships need that same sense of exploration.
Too often, couples fall into the trap of routine, thinking a vacation or a new puppy will rekindle their connection. While these things can bring temporary joy, the novelty eventually fades, and the same problems resurface. Real transformation comes when we choose to see our partner as a world to explore.
Ask questions you’ve never asked before. What are their dreams now? What’s been weighing on their heart lately? Like the stars, your partner has depths you may have never truly noticed.