How does a simple eye roll escalate an ordinary conversation into a full-blown argument?
Or how it feels when your partner corrects your grammar, comments on your outfit, or explains for the tenth time the “proper” way to mow the lawn, and then follows it with, “I’m only trying to help.”
Yes… Thank you, dear.
Let’s talk about betrayal number seven: disrespect.
Disrespect in marriage usually shows up in ordinary moments.
It is the sarcasm at the dinner table, the eye roll when your spouse is talking, the correction made in front of other people, or the comment that leaves them feeling small.
It is easy to justify these moments because they seem minor. You tell yourself you are just being honest, or that if you do not say something, nothing will ever change. But over time, constant correction starts to feel less like help and more like rejection.
You did not marry your spouse so they could become your personal psychologist, fashion consultant, or culinary mentor.
At some point in marriage, you have to accept that your way is not their way. They fold towels differently. They parent differently. They tell stories too long or too short. They load the dishwasher “wrong.” Welcome to marriage.
The goal is not to turn your spouse into a better version of you. The goal is to love them.
Dr. John Gottman talks about contempt as one of the strongest predictors of divorce. Along with criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling, it is one of the Four Horsemen that break down a relationship.
Contempt sounds like mocking, name-calling, superiority, or speaking to your partner as though they are beneath you. It is the habit of making them feel smaller so you can feel bigger.
It is not maturity; it is pride that strongly lacks any humility.
I often remind couples that a loving relationship is not about having the upper hand; it is about holding hands.
Marriage asks for humility. It asks you to pause before speaking and ask yourself whether your words are helping your spouse grow and get to heaven, or whether you are simply trying to prove a point.
Thomas Aquinas said that to love is to will the good of the other. I come back to that often, because it is such a simple way to examine ourselves.
Am I loving this person right now, or am I trying to win? Marriage is not a competition for moral superiority. It is a covenant, and respect matters.