You get bad news.
Maybe it’s a health scare, a job loss, a partner who drops the ball—again. And even though you’re doing all the “right” things—therapy, communication, maybe even prayer—it still doesn’t add up.
That’s when the temptation kicks in: to spiral, overanalyze, or lash out at the person closest to you. We scramble for certainty, for control, for someone to blame.
But here’s the truth, most of us don’t want to admit:
It’s not intelligence that helps us make good choices in these moments.
It’s faith. And common sense.
And both are in short supply these days.
Reframe #1: We Can’t Think Our Way Through Every Problem
When you hear bad news or something doesn’t go as planned, it’s human to want an explanation. You want to know: Why did this happen? Who dropped the ball? How do I fix it?
But here’s what often happens:
Instead of pausing, we react.
We jump into fight-or-flight mode.
We create stories like “he doesn’t care,” “she always does this,” “I knew this would happen”. All based on fear.
That’s not problem-solving. That’s panic dressed up as logic.
Common sense says: “Give it a minute. Take a breath. Everything doesn’t need a conclusion right now.”
This is where faith—not religion, but faith—quietly enters. Not with a perfect answer, but with a better question:
What’s required of me right now?
Patience? Silence? A soft word instead of a sharp one?
Faith reminds us that some things are unknowable in the moment. And that’s okay.
Reframe #2: Control Is Not the Same as Clarity
In relationships, control often masquerades as “helping”.
We micromanage. We correct. We try to steer everything toward the outcome we think is best.
But here’s what I’ve seen as a therapist: the more we grip, the more the relationship struggles to breathe.
Common sense says: “You’re not your partner’s parent. You’re not their saviour. You’re their equal.”
And faith reminds us that we don’t always need to understand someone to love them well.
Sometimes, what heals a relationship isn’t more talking—it’s less interrupting.
Not more advice, but more presence.
Not perfect logic, but sincere trust.
Reframe #3: Feeling Uncertain Isn’t a Sign You’re Doing It Wrong
Life throws curveballs. No marriage, family, or career avoids them.
But I often hear people say, “It shouldn’t feel this confusing.”
Or worse, “If this were right, it would feel easier.”
Nope.
Some of the most meaningful relationships are also the most complicated.
Because two people, each carrying their history, fears, and longings, are trying to move as one.
That’s not a spreadsheet. That’s a dance.
Common sense says: “Hard doesn’t mean wrong. Confusing doesn’t mean broken.”
Faith says, “You’re not alone. Let the storm pass before you tear down the boat.”
Reflection Prompts
If you’re walking through a foggy season in your relationship—or just life in general—try these gentle pivots:
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Instead of “Why is this happening?” ask, “What does this moment require of me?”
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Instead of rushing to react, take one small action that reflects peace, not panic.
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Instead of defending your logic, offer your love – even if you don’t feel like it yet.
I’ve come to believe that common sense is sacred sense.
It’s the fruit of a life rooted in something bigger than fear, ego, or trends.
You don’t need a PhD to pause before speaking.
You don’t need a theology degree to recognize when your partner needs compassion over correction.
You need a bit of faith.
And the willingness to not always be the one with the answer.
Because sometimes, the most healing thing you can say in a moment of chaos is:
“I don’t know. But I’m here.”
One of my favourite answers I give to my clients is, “I don’t know.” Because it reminds me of my inadequacy and allows me to step into humility.
And that, my friend, is the kind of common sense the world—and our relationships—desperately need.