If we all had the privilege and joy of having rock-solid friendships, there would be no need to go to therapy.
Are you one of the lucky ones with that best friend or group of besties you know you could call and who would be there for you? The friend who would drop everything for you? If so – you genuinely are fortunate.
Over the last seven days, I got to spend quality time with two of my best friends.
Sometimes, we have dinners and coffees, and that is all really nice—but usually, we lace up our sneakers and head outside. One friend living in a western province meant a hike in the mountains, while the other friend was down a beautiful treed area in our fair city. Honestly, it is food for the soul.
Having such a friend can be summed up easily as ‘the person who has your back’. I often use this same analogy when I describe what I feel is 100% necessary in romantic relationships.
When individuals in my room ask me, ‘How do I know whether or not to stay or go in this relationship?’ My answer is easy: ‘Does this person have your back?’ Put it this way: If you need to ponder that question for some time, then that is a sign your relationship is either hanging on a thin thread or has hit its expiration date.
Concerning friends and advice from friends regarding your relationships, I caution you against using friends as therapists.
As Napolean Hill wrote, ‘Opinions are one of the cheapest commodities on earth’. Nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone has tons of them, and lucky for us (or not)…they dish them out like candy!
When I was struggling in my marriage, so many of my girlfriends told me, ‘ Leave – you deserve to be happy’. At face value, this is great advice. I am a decent human being who tends to follow society’s moral laws for the most part and is generally well-liked, so the idea of ‘deserving happiness’ seemed to make sense. However, my friends have not shared my marital home with my husband and I, nor have they unbiasedly observed my behaviours (most of which we are unaware of). Therefore, perhaps telling me to ‘leave’ was not the best advice.
We don’t know what we don’t know – and most of our behaviours are unknown unknowns, which is pretty damn scary when you think of it. I think our pets know us better than we know ourselves.
The bottom line is that friendships can be your lifeline and should be nurtured to the core. They are invaluable. If you are reading this and have been thinking about reaching out to a friend, do it today. If you are getting most of your marital advice from your friends, proceed with caution.