Deep down, I think we all know that God must laugh when He sees us trying to do “all the right things” to give ourselves some false sense of control over life — over our spouses, our children, our health, our future.
To you, that control might look like hiding the car keys from your teenager, checking your grown child’s social media, or booking a family vacation when your spouse wasn’t truly on board. I get it —it’s a behaviour I have shamefully exhibited as well. But when we act like this, what we’re really doing is trying to force people to behave a certain way rather than guide them in love.
And force is the opposite of trust.
When I say ‘trust,’ I don’t mean trusting your teenager to make perfect choices or your spouse to always meet your expectations. I mean trusting God. The One who sees what you cannot see; the One who knows what you don’t know.
How pride always sneaks in when you are not looking…
There’s a significant difference between planning for the future and obsessing over it. One is wise, while the other is intrusive and distracting because it diverts you from your main task
When you’re preoccupied, you can’t let go. You replay conversations, you rehearse possible outcomes, you try to plan your way into peace. But it never works. You end up gripping so tightly to the branch that you forget how to climb down.
It is the cat stuck in a tree, clinging to the very thing that’s keeping it trapped, or the fly, now inside the room, buzzing and banging against the window pane when the door of the room is wide open. That’s what anxiety looks like. We clutch at control, thinking it will save us, when it’s actually what’s keeping us from peace.
As a Christian therapist offering both individual and anxiety counselling, I often observe how fear quietly masquerades as responsibility. We tell ourselves we’re just being cautious or diligent, but, beneath the surface, there’s usually lots of unease—a fear that if we stop controlling every detail, something will fall apart. When that fear guides us, it can steal our peace. True responsibility stems from trust—trust in God’s order and trust that we’ll be guided toward what is right when we release the need to control.
And pride always ends in unrest.
Releasing control is not ‘not caring’…
Of course, the alternative isn’t laziness. Some people hear “let go and let God” and think it means to do nothing at all. But that’s not trust. That’s replacing the sin of pride with another sin – sloth.
Trust and faith are deeply connected. Recognizing that God is omnipresent and loving, much like a caring parent, helps us see that all we need to do is be obedient children eager to please Him. He will care for us just as parents tend to their struggling children. However, children must make an effort; they need to try. For example, the child must pick up the round peg and place it in the square hole. As parents, we might chuckle at their slight frustration. But imagine how a parent would feel if the child suddenly packed their diaper bag, left the house, and said, “I am done with you,” because they saw us struggle, wanted instant fixes, or believed we couldn’t help anymore!
God is constantly forming and teaching us for our own purification—his way of showing love for us.
We are told in Philippians: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
Notice that Paul doesn’t say, “Ignore your worries.” He says, present them. Anxiety is simply your cue to pray.
Anxiety is the mind’s reaction to uncertainty — and control is the brain’s instinctive (but false) antidote. We think that if we plan more carefully, we’ll feel safer. The answer is to plan less and trust more.
The Gottmans were also big on trust…
During my training as a Gottman therapist, I remember Julie Gottman reminding us, “Trust the process,” as she taught us these core principles of human nature – how behaviour can change. Trust appears in both psychology and spirituality. It also impacts our physical well-being. If I could recommend two universal supplements, they’d be Vitamin P (Patience) and Vitamin N (Nature).
Patience teaches us to wait for God’s timing rather than our own. Nature reminds us of His power every sunrise, every changing leaf, every effortless act of beauty whispers, I’ve got this.
We need less control and more wonder. Become a child again.
So do your best, and forget the rest. Relax your shoulders. Breathe. Smile. Say a kind word to someone. Give gratitude that you were given another day.