Most of you reading this have once felt infatuated with a person. Similarly, you will never forget the first time you set eyes on a current or ex-partner. Sparks ignited, and rocket ships blasted. Your eyes met. Everything else in the room stopped. Your heart skipped a beat. You felt paralyzed.

Cupid’s arrow hit a bullseye. The rest was history.

But then… something happened.

The chemistry fizzled out and the sparks are merely fleeting memories, possibly never to be found again. The surge of dopamine came and left, and just as it does with every other highly addicted drug, making you want more, while also heightening your awareness of having less.

The bad news is that – for the most part – this is true. For many, the chemistry with that same partner may never be the same. But before you get completely depressed, I have some news that might make you feel a lot better.

After the sparks wear off, if you play your cards right, you are left with something even better—something with true sustenance. It is a feeling of fullness and contentment—the same feeling you get from eating a nutritious, delicious dinner. The messenger is serotonin, telling you, “Don’t worry; I have your back.”

It is called, ‘coming home’. It is how you feel when you realize it is not the end goal but the ups and downs, the turbulence along the way, and knowing all of it is worth it. It’s worth it because your goal is to have each other’s back.

So many people in the online dating world are looking for the chemistry and the sizzle when really they should be concentrating on instead finding someone with similar morals and values – and that person is living in accordance with these standards.

Another mistake I see so often when people are seeking out their mate is that they are looking for their clone.

They are looking for traits that they find in themselves. For example, I am an introvert who loves cooking and working in the garden. This means I need to find a person who will organize and host family reunions, clean the kitchen after dinner, and repair the roof. In other words, marry someone who does the opposite of you so that together, you are complete and the household runs smoothly.

You do not want to marry someone who could be a version of your sibling. It’s just not cool.

Online dating can be a time sucker, but if you navigate these apps well, they can be very advantageous. I have helped many to become very skilled in the art of online dating.

However, if you are very goal-oriented and do not feel you have the time or energy to play with or learn the apps, then you might need a matchmaker.

Either way, I am here for you. In the 21st century, loneliness, like starvation, is completely unnecessary, and like hunger pains, very little can be done to ignore it except to feed the void.