If you’ve ever stared down a crumbling portfolio (hello! spring 2025) or weathered a stretch of quiet in your marriage, this post is for you.
Because investing and relationships—especially long-term marriage—run on the same principles: patience, consistency, and humility.
I recently listened to a conversation with Morgan Housel, author of The Psychology of Money: Timeless Lessons on Wealth, Greed, and Happiness, who compared wealth-building to sitting on your hands and doing nothing—a kind of stillness most of us find unbearable. But that quiet endurance? That’s what builds something extraordinary. The same can be said for a lifelong marriage.
Don’t Trade Long-Term Value for Short-Term Gains
You wouldn’t sell off your index fund because it had a bad quarter. So why do some people start browsing for younger partners when the excitement dips or the wrinkles set in?
There’s a temptation in modern culture to treat people like stocks—buy low, sell high, upgrade if it doesn’t perform. But that’s not how marriages (or good investments) work. When I was young, my Dad would often make a really bad joke – something along the lines of “I haven’t traded her in for two 25s yet!’ referring to my 50+ year old mom…. Not funny, Dad!
In marriage, buy and hold means staying when your partner is going through hormonal shifts, career slumps, or when they just aren’t who they were at 25. If you’re in this for the long haul, you don’t bail when the superficial metrics decline. You remember what you committed to: a shared vision, not a perfect partner.
Dollar-Cost Averaging… in Love?
Morgan called it “dollar-cost averaging”—making steady, non-negotiable deposits over time, no matter what the market is doing.
That’s what the Gottmans mean when they say: Small Things Often. You don’t need grand romantic gestures or luxurious getaways. What builds equity in a relationship are the tiny, daily deposits: packing their lunch. Leaving a note. Turning toward instead of away during conflict. Speaking gently even when you’re tired.
These acts shouldn’t feel like an effort. They should feel like brushing your teeth—routine, unconscious, non-negotiable.
Risk and Emergency Funds
Investing well requires you to prepare for the unpredictable. A market crash. A global pandemic. A diagnosis you didn’t see coming.
Marriage is no different. If your partner needs to tap into the emergency fund—emotionally, physically, or spiritually—you talk about it. You don’t make big decisions unilaterally. You communicate. Whether it’s buying a new car, enrolling your child in another activity, or deciding to skip the in-laws’ for Christmas this year, it’s a team decision.
Endurance Over Excitement
The myth is that financial or relational success comes from wild highs. Picking the next Tesla. Marrying someone who completes you.
When a couple comes into my office and says, “When we are good, we are really, really good, but when we are bad, we are really, really bad,” I also know their investment strategy. Not so great.
But true success comes from endurance. It is not the passionate love that was there when you first met – it is the love you built through the sacrifices you both made during the relationship. My point is – if you think you ‘fall’ in love, you are going to be falling for 30-40 years of your life…are you okay with that? Knowing that Renee Zellwegger once stated, ‘You had me at Hello…’, I also suspect she is not into ETFs and robo-advisors.
Ronald Read was a janitor who quietly invested over 70 years and died with $8 million in the bank. His secret? Time.
I’ve seen this in couples, too. The ones who hit their 60s and fall deeper in love—these are not necessarily people who married the right person.” They’re the ones who stayed. Who sacrificed. Who didn’t idolize pleasure, prestige, or power? Who gave more than they took, over and over again.
They invested in each other daily, even when the market of their life looked bleak.
We Can’t Predict What Matters Most
Morgan tells a story about losing two close friends in an avalanche—the one time he declined to ski a second run. That mundane decision saved his life.
You can’t predict what will matter. Which conversation, which vacation, which act of forgiveness will become a defining moment in your marriage? You can only commit to being present for it all.
Marriage, like investing, is less about having the perfect partner or portfolio and more about resisting the urge to panic when things get hard. It’s about sticking with it. Trusting that, over time, the quiet deposits will outpace the noise.
So the next time you wonder if it’s worth it—if staying in, showing up, speaking gently, or forgiving again matters—remember:
You’re not trying to time the market.
You’re building a legacy.