Now let us move to betrayal number eight: selfishness.
I will admit it, I have absolutely been called selfish by my husband. Usually it is not because I am selfish with love. It is because I can be selfish with time. I like efficiency. I like productivity. I like getting things done and squeezing an extra fifteen minutes out of the day. That is me.
Selfishness in marriage does not always look obvious. Sometimes it looks like protecting your own comfort. Sometimes it is putting your own goals first, assuming your schedule matters more, or emotionally checking out because you are tired and expecting your partner to just understand.
Sometimes, if we are being honest, it looks like needing things done your way because your way is clearly the most efficient and logical. I understand that one personally 😬
So it is worth asking yourself: where am I withholding? Where could I contribute more? Where have I become too focused on me and forgotten we?
The curious thing is that in my practice, I frequently encounter the reverse situation.
Many people, especially women, are not selfish enough.
They are over-functioning, over-giving, over-carrying, and then wondering why resentment has taken over their marriage. They are exhausted, frustrated, and feel guilty for even wanting rest.
But that is not love either.
Marriage is not about martyrdom or self-centeredness. It is a balancing act.
There are seasons where one person carries more. Parenting, illness, finances, grief, and stress all shift the weight around. The goal is not perfect equality every day. The goal is awareness.
When you know your partner is carrying more, say it. Show appreciation. Show admiration. Let them know you see it. People stay connected when they feel seen.
That is where marriage shifts. You stop keeping score. You stop asking if you are getting enough. You start asking how to protect the relationship itself.
You become a “we” instead of two people standing on opposite sides, trying to protect their own corner. That is where peace begins.
Next week, we will finish this betrayal series by talking about unfairness and broken promises, wrapping up the series on betrayals.