On December 28th, we observed the feast of the Holy Family, so I thought it fitting to write a post to reflect more on family.
I would love to ask all my subscribers this question to see how you would respond. What, to you, makes a good family?
First, let me take a stab at this myself. The first word out of my mouth would be ‘peaceful’. But how does one bring peace to a family? You can’t force your family to be peaceful. So how does peace come about?
This is how peace envelops your family…
- Start listening more and speaking less.
- Each time you are about to criticize a family member, take note of your own faults first and decide if you still want to say something.
- Say sorry more.
- Honour your parents no matter what. Your mother carried you for 9 months and then experienced some of the most painful moments of her life during your birth. She felt guilt from the first moment she laid her eyes on you (Can I be a good-enough mother?) Your father felt a tremendous responsibility for your welfare from the moment you were born. He knew he needed to provide food and shelter for you until you could manage independently. Notice I do not mention emotional support from your parents. If you received that as well, then consider yourself privileged. It’s not their job to ‘get you’. It is their job to shape you into a good, caring member of society.
- Keep an orderly house, room, and yard (if you are privileged enough to have green space). You are part of a community, and therefore, you must do your part to keep it orderly and clean. This is not one person’s job in the family. It is all of the family.
- Respect your parents. This means that when they speak, you listen, whether or not you agree. Bow down your head in humility and submit to obedience. When you move out, you are free to conduct your life however you like.
- Attend dinner respectfully. That means without a hat, a phone, and proper attire. Use your fork and knife. Children, your parents love you, but I doubt they feel graced with your presence. Give thanks for the food, regardless of whether you like it. Remove your plate and thank the cook before you leave.
- Parents note that your children do not belong to you. They belong to God. If you can’t ‘handle’ them, pray and entrust them in God’s care. Do not control or be anxious about them. Just pray that God will keep them in His care and give thanks to God every day for being blessed with children. It was only by God’s grace that you were able to have children. Understand your limits. Seek professional help if you cannot self-regulate your emotions. Remember, you are in charge of their formation; therefore, if you cannot regulate your own feelings, how do you expect them to be able to?
- Attend a place of worship at least once a week, preferably a church that honours silence and contemplative prayer. While singing praises to the Lord is wonderful, it becomes difficult to feel a close connection when a light show and a DJ are involved. Parents, it’s crucial to demonstrate to your children that you are dedicating time weekly for the greater good of humanity. Donating money, food, clothing, or your time to missions is even more impactful, showing your children that you value your blessings. If possible, pray together as a family at home—something I wish I had made a regular habit from a young age, beyond just grace at meals.
- Get out in nature with your children starting at a young age. Remind your children of what God created for them – that He wanted to provide them with all the beauty nature has to offer – for free. Model physical activity for your children every day; even when they no longer want to do it with you, do it independently.
Finally, a message for couples:
Respect your children by avoiding arguments in their presence. While healthy disagreement is normal, if your volume or tone escalates, retreat to another room.
Men, cherish your wives and show your sons how to treat a woman’s vulnerability with respect.
Women, honour your husbands and let them lead and exercise authority, especially when disciplining the children if needed. Offer each other generously with honour, dignity, and forgiveness.