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It’s a simple question, yet most of us would struggle to answer it—whether asked by a dear friend, relative, or therapist. It’s a bit like being asked, “What do you want?” For many, the response is the same: a blank stare.

I know that because I ask my clients these questions often, and the hesitation in their answers speaks volumes.

And yet, “Who are you?” is foundational to our existence. You are not merely a financial planner, nurse, carpenter, engineer, or chef. You are more than your career or where you spend most of your time. You are more than a parent, friend, or partner.
Why do you exist?

The Existential Question

Many of us have heard the term existential crisis. Wikipedia describes it as inner conflict driven by the impression that life lacks meaning and confusion about one’s identity. WebMD defines it as recurring thoughts about identity, purpose, and legacy.

In plain terms, it’s that sinking feeling when life delivers a blow, and you’re left asking, “What’s the point?” Perhaps it was when you thought you’d marry the love of your life, only to be told you weren’t “the one.” Or when you heard your neighbor’s baby was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. Or maybe it was when you learned of an elderly woman robbed and left to die.

But existential crises don’t always stem from tragedy. They can emerge quietly, in the monotony of daily life: driving back and forth to work, feeding the kids, bathing them, putting them to bed, and collapsing into bed yourself—only to rinse and repeat.

A New Perspective

Let me offer an alternative lens through which to view life, one that might keep you from falling into an existential crisis.

Think of yourself as a vessel for kindness, love, joy, and light.
I know—this might not be the answer you wanted. But consider this:

When you live with these intentions, you will always be valued and needed. You’ll wake up with purpose, knowing that others rely on you—not for what you produce but for the warmth you bring into their lives. People will gravitate toward you, invite you into their world, and miss your presence when you’re not there.

As humans, we need to feel needed. It fuels us. Unfortunately, society often measures worth by productivity and efficiency. Instead of asking, “How are you?” we’re asked, “What did you do today?” or “What do you do for a living?”—as though our value lies in contributing to GDP.

This isn’t new. History has been cruel to those deemed “unproductive,” from women at childbirth to the disabled and marginalized.

The Light Within

Here’s the relief: you don’t have to accomplish extraordinary feats to find meaning. Instead, smile at a stranger. Offer kindness. Forgive those who wrong you. Turn the other cheek when criticized or humiliated.

Be the light others seek, and you’ll never feel that loss of meaning.