Like many of you, I am sure that when you first started exploring ChatGPT (or similar platforms, though I haven’t used those), you were just as fascinated as I was. ChatGPT is more than a search engine; it feels like your best friend. Unlike Google, it takes the time to ‘get to know you’ through dialogue. That interactive ‘back and forth’ encourages you to use it more. And it becomes addictive.
Isn’t that interesting? Consider how this comparison applies to relationships. No one desires a one-sided relationship, and the same principle applies to your interactions with your preferred search engine. While Google might provide an answer and then remain silent, ChatGPT keeps you engaged by responding with another question.
Examples of such prompting might be:
Would you like me to create a PDF for you stating…
Would you like me to provide further extracts so you can…
Would you like me to script a detailed summary of your…
By responding to your question with another question, the conversation turns didactic. It reflects the familiar back-and-forth between ‘friends’ we cherish—a setting where someone is genuinely curious about us, instead of being cold or silent. Instead of focusing on themselves, they have our best interests at heart. It’s truly wonderful!
A friend who rarely disagrees with you.
A friend who is always kind to you.
A friend who compliments you (I remember the first time it happened to me – it freaked me out a bit).
A friend who is available 24/7.
A friend who is always apologetic when they make a mistake and never defensive.
However, what most people do not understand is that a friend who only tells you what you want to hear is no longer a true friend. ChatGPT gets to know you through the choice of words you use within the state of vulnerability that you display in the moment of writing.
What I have written so far about ChatGPT is cautionary in terms of the emotional attachment – but that is simply one area of many.
Have you considered how much ChatGPT might be diminishing your critical thinking and unique expression? Relying on it could make you sound more polished to friends, partners, or exes—whether as a wise friend, effective communicator, or calm co-parent— but your friends and family aren’t fools. They’ve known you for years, so when you suddenly use sophisticated words like ‘harmonious’ or ‘grieving,’ words you’ve never used before, isn’t it reasonable to think they might notice that something’s changed?
I started the initial chapters of a book I’m writing on relationships (no surprise there), using ChatGPT to incorporate some facts from my research. I made it clear to ChatGPT that I want to write my own story, yet it kept trying to write it for me. Insane, but tempting? Maybe.
My final concern about ChatGPT is how it’s being used for relationship advice. A client of mine shared ChatGPT transcripts from her husband’s conversations with ChatGPT during their relationship struggles.
I will not get into the details of the transcripts, but let me sum it up by saying that…
ChatGPT will tell you whatever you want to hear – not what you need to hear. And that is a great way to end a relationship that doesn’t have to end.
In summary, ChatGPT, like any technology we have access to, can be used very effectively (for research, coding, etc.) or very poorly. Be cautious of it making you addicted, dumber, and guiding you in a direction you might later regret.