I prefer this phrase when referring to setting limits in personal relationships over the term boundary. I am not sure why exactly; I think it is because boundary sounds so divisive. There is too much division in the world already, we don’t need more. To me, boundary feels like a steel door slamming someone in the face, and it doesn’t need to be like this.
Have you ever wondered why women have so much difficulty setting limits on what we endure and what we will not? The concept is so simple. It is a matter of ‘this is okay with me and this is not okay with me’. Why is this so difficult to do?
Because when we set limits, we anticipate disappointment from others. Especially if it is declared towards someone we care about. We perceive hurting their feelings. And as young girls, we are told that hurting someone’s feelings is not nice.
However, being the vixens we are…we found a way around it (perhaps unconsciously).
We figured out that if we make our limits very vague and unclear towards someone, and then if they get it wrong (cross the line in the sand)we are not overly disappointed in them because, after all, we were not precise and clear with the limit. It is like we have already created the perception that this individual is not capable of honouring our needs.
As women, we will do anything to avoid disappointment. It is a deep feminine wound. It rips our hearts open and we feel it in our guts.
So the cycle of disappointment begins…
Unclear, vague, and nonspecific requests are sent out to avoid any potential risk that if our needs are not met, we won’t be overly disappointed because after all, we were not that clear in our request and we hope for a better outcome next time.
As women, we continue to play the boy who cried wolf. We have moments of courage, state our needs, draw the line in the sand, then second guess our needs, dishonour our worth, and so it goes…
The crazy thing about it is that now you are BOTH disappointed AND they crossed the line again!
Instead, let’s choose to be disappointed and have your needs honoured. This is the only way to break the cycle of disappointment. The disappointment of staying true to your worth will not have the same half-life as consequently playing weak and small.
You are highly intelligent and know what you need to thrive in this world. Stop playing small and choose to live in alignment with your needs and desires. No one knows what your needs are as best as you do – therefore you are doing a disservice to yourself by not being clear, precise, and specific.
It would be disrespectful to those you love to communicate anything but a very clear message of where you draw the line.