Many of us feel the need to play it safe. We don’t want to ‘rock the boat’. The problem with this is that your relationship stays stagnant.
I would say that 80% of couples come to me stating they have difficulty communicating to one another.
Stepping into safety by not talking about how you feel about something they did or say is the most common way of playing it safe. Most people think these discussions will end in about conflict and think ” it is not worth the argument’.
But that is my point, it doesn’t have to be an argument!
Some common examples might be not expressing your disinterest in cooking, how your partner dresses, or their hygienic practices, the fact that they can never place their cup in the dishwasher, etc. This doesn’t need to be a big, sit down discussions, but simply a mention. You can say something like ” hey, it is not a big deal, but it would be great if you could….” and if your partner answers ” well, it is a big deal”. Then you could reply – okay, just thought I would like you know how I feel… I still love you anyway. There is a VERY high chance that after hearing your response, they may gradually start behaving differently.
This is how to navigate a relationship properly: 1) Access what are the deal breakers and practice having difficult conversations in order to reestablish your self-worth, 2) For the smaller disappointments – the non-deal breakers, just let them know that the little things you do for them are done not because you feel you need to do it, but because you want to do it, because…you love them.
When you practice honouring yourself in a relationship in a very kind and gentle manner, you grow and your relationship grows.
Saying nothing about how you feel about certain aspects or behaviours about your partner is likely a sign that there is a ” I should” behind your behaviours or thoughts. Those two words – I SHOULD – are always of sign of feeling misaligned in the sense that you are doing from a place of societal or parental views of what you SHOULD BE rather than what you simply ARE.
Knowing that you have the right to feel and express your feelings is the most important aspect of your self growth as well as in your relationships.
If your partner is not willing to grow with you – then this will need to be looked at more closely.
This is one of the topics I will cover in my upcoming Masterclass: Finding Peace and Hope in Your Current and Past Relationships. For more info on my Masterclass click here.