I don’t know about you, but I sometimes envision God looking down at me from the heavens and laughing hysterically. She or He is nodding his head back and forth, saying, “Oh, Luella…you poor thing, if only you would just…”
Me: Trust myself more?
God: Yes. How many times have I told you that?
Me: Ugh, but God, it is so hard.
I have stated this before but will continue to state it repeatedly: Lack of self-love, and especially self-trust, is one of the main reasons people come to therapy.
They ask me, “Is this normal?” Others are ridden with anxiety. They feel judged because they do what seems normal or appropriate in society. Others are depressed because they are not as rich, beautiful, admired, loved, or killing it as a business owner.
How often have you sought advice from others because you feel incredibly inadequate?
My question is, are you inadequate, or is it really because you need to try doing it your way more? In other words, we see how others are doing things a certain way, and because they appear to be successful at {Fill in the blank}, you believe that is the only and best way of doing it.
I understand this reasoning if we are extremely young, naive, or if you are learning how to set up explosives in a mining camp, but that is not what I am referring to.
I am referring to the types of choices you make that have so much more to do with trusting your gut instinct, your authentic self, your genuine nature, and celebrating your individuality rather than doing the same thing another person is doing just because they appear to be ‘good at it.’
When one begins to trust oneself, the creative becomes celebrated, and the skeptic falls short. The influencers get more fanfare simply because they have created the shiny object, constantly pulling our attention away from the here and now, while the quiet dude who is just doing life discovers the next best gadget for?? and is now a multi-millionaire.
There are way too many of us who are too busy trying to do and be what others are rather than just being ourselves. In doing so, we miss out on unique opportunities or forsake a long-term vision of what we aim to achieve as a mature adult.
Stop second-guessing yourself in life.
Realize your ideas, thoughts, and intrinsic desires to live in a certain way. They are there for a reason. Stop ignoring those cues and instead step into the persona of who you actually are and, most importantly, EXPRESS that to those around you.
Whether that manifests by dressing a certain way, styling your hair a new way, making more time for the things that interest you, rather than doing what you believe you SHOULD be doing. Or making even more significant and bolder moves such as leaving the job you hate, doing things your way instead of doing what the ‘experts/influencers’ are telling you to do, signing up for therapy, or leaving a loveless marriage.
All of the suggestions above are acts of self-love, ways of practising self-love, and ways of honouring one’s needs and intrinsic desire – and, for God’s sake, not apologizing for them.
God has no time for that.
Just get on with it, and perhaps He or She will stop laughing at you.
If you need any help in the area of loving, accepting, and trusting yourself more, reach out to me. It is one of my favorite skills to teach. God knows (literally) that I have been in self-practising this skill for many years.