When asked to describe your relationship, would you be inclined to say “When we are good, we are really, really, good. When we are bad, we are really, really bad.”?

When I hear this from my clients, I know their relationship needs serious repair.

I suspect you are thinking a lot about your relationship rather than ‘being’ in your relationship. Rather than acting lovingly towards your partner, you are waiting to see evidence before showing your love for your partner. Love without evidence is what makes a partnership. Faith, trust, and belief in your partner will bring you everlasting love.

To engineer change, it needs to begin with your behaviour and mindset. Not your partner’s behaviour. Begin by becoming aware of the thoughts entering your mind throughout the day. Are they thoughts of gratitude, love and joy? Or perhaps they are anger, frustration, bitterness, etc. If you stay in the gratitude and emit your joy, happiness will come right back to you. You are now in control of your relationship.

My client constantly complained about her marriage until I pointed out some key aspects as to why she might not be happy.

By making changes in her daily routines, such as establishing a daily practice of mindfulness, self-talk, visualizations, and gratitude, both her relationship with herself and her partner improved. I guided her through these incremental changes. I taught her to become uncomfortable, and by holding that discomfort, she gave herself room to grow. The changes she made were small, but the results in her relationship were both meaningful and measurable. Her partner took notice and could not help to reciprocate her joy.

Controlling your mindset is an exercise we do in pillar 2 of my program. It is a 3-month program where we identify the thought patterns that are detrimental to your relationship and replace old patterns with thoughts that spark connectivity and life into your relationship. We do this by creating micro-goals towards the ultimate goal of relationship satisfaction.

Hope this entry helps you in someway and if it did, please let me know.