I often get asked the question, if I am searching for a therapist, what is the most important thing to keep in mind? Here is my advice.

There is no ‘one most important thing.’ I could tell you that connection is the most important thing, but being deeply connected may turn into this person becoming your best friend, and your best friend is someone who typically doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

Search for a therapist that will trigger you. Yes, you heard me correctly. Let the therapist bring out your trauma and the woundology you carry. This is just baggage that you need to drop.

So if your therapist is validating you constantly about why you get resentful, angry, or sad…this is not a good therapist.

As a client, you are allowed to talk about your feelings, and in fact, this is really why you are paying this person so that you can tell them all your feelings and know that you will not be forsaken, judged, and scrutinized for having those feelings, and it is confidential.

But a good therapist will tell you whether those feelings are true or false and when you need to do a reality check. You don’t know what you don’t know, and you can’t see what you can’t see.

A good therapist will call you on your bullshit, lies, and excuses and ask for results rather than reasons.

A good therapist will tell you when your ego is running your life and when to park it.

A good therapist will remind you of the important lessons you learned in kindergarten. Which are before you open your mouth, ask yourself, “ Is it important? Is it necessary? Is it kind?” and if it passes all three, only then are you allowed to speak.

A good therapist moves you towards curiosity and creativity for yourself rather than having your eyes and mouth focused on others. (PS – this is why social media is so dangerous.)

There is more, but this is what is coming up for me right now. I hope this helps.