I have always loved to write; it is a wonderful means of processing feelings. I started writing my book about a month ago. I am trying to write for it daily, but it is not possible all the time. I feel blessed on those days, however, as it is a project of love.
I think many people think I am crazy to see ‘crazy people’ all day, lol. The answer is that I don’t see the client as crazier than I see myself. I see it as a story, their story. It is a bid for connection, understanding, and empathy.
It is a chance for me to tell them it’s not your fault. It is never ‘their fault’. It is a combination of past experiences that have left a huge scar on their psyche.
My goal is to turn that need for validation into more of a guide on the side. Someone that they can share very intimate, vulnerable conversations with and feel safe doing so. Not everyone has this person. Often, we can’t even do this with our intimate partners because we cannot guarantee their ability to be emotionally available. This is true of most people for all types of relationships.
The truth is, I believe less in the Harlequin romances and more in being in the business of establishing a shared meaning. Even John Gottman states the goal for most marriages is to have a coffee and a pastry together most days. Ten years ago, I separated from my husband but then recoupled. I get how painful a process that is and do not want anyone to go through this if possible. After recoupling, I convinced him to attend the two-day Gottman Art and Science of Love retreat in Seattle with me. I don’t think my husband has changed at all since that day, but my understanding of him did – which was all I needed to remain married and happy. 🙂 I continue to strive to understand him and myself more and more and more.
Here are some of the topics I am passionate about.
- Providing women with a roadmap towards reaching peace and joy in their lives once again.
- Normalizing what being in a relationship actually looks like for most people.
- Relationships entail suffering, but all suffering is good for the soul.
- Staying in the frequency of gratitude is the best antidote for apathy in life and marriage.
- Defining relationships as a medium for sharing, and sharing is caring.
- Using specific Gottman interventions, especially reminding them of their shared meaning.
- Teaching couples to take what they have learned in creating amazing business partnerships and use these same tools with their intimate partnerships; in other words, we regulate our emotions in the boardroom to achieve peace, harmony, and resolution in the workplace. So, let’s do the same in the marital home.