Why Positive Thoughts are Not the Answer

Why Positive Thoughts are Not the Answer

Have you ever felt like positive thinking is not working…especially when you felt dismissed by your partner.

Maybe you are in a relationship right now where you feel every time you want to have a positive exchange with the person, it takes a swift left turn off your path of positive communication. Your intention was so good…why is this happening and what is the good in it all?

There are two things you need to keep in the forefront of your mind and it has nothing to do with positive thinking.

1) Perseverance

2) Context (energetic alignment = your perception of the problem)

Example: You wake up with your best intentions about speaking to your husband about finances, bank accounts, spending, credit cards, or what have you…

You walk into the room with either some numbers on a page, statements, or perhaps even a spreadsheet that you feel so proud about creating (because that is what we do as women, especially if we get to use pretty coloured Papermate Ink joy gel pens, highlighters, or Sharpies.

He is watching TV. You begin the conversation and as soon as you pull out your pretty sheet, his body language says ‘NO’.

Right away you are triggered and feel the need to explain your purpose, and it continues to go downhill.

You leave the room trying to think positive thoughts of he said he would look at it later, but these thoughts do not change your feelings of constantly being brushed off. Also, you cannot escape knowing that your energy has just plummeted. Your little one may come along and ask what is wrong and you brush it off with yet another positive expression of ‘ Oh nothing, Mommy just stubbed her toe’.

Perseverance and Context.

Perseverance requires resiliency in staying in the knowing that you are worthy of being heard, felt, and loved. Your suggestions and views are worth noting – that your thoughts, ideas, and beliefs in these areas are substantive. You notice the hurt, but you do not stay in the hurt. You walk beside the hurt.

In order to walk beside the hurt you need to gather the context. Context is the beautiful energetic vortex of ‘no one touches this belief/vision/knowing of myself’ but you cannot just think it, you have to feel it. The thoughts combined with the feeling are what keep your vision in its purest form and in total alignment with the universe. This energetic context is what reigns in your personal power. At this point, it helps to remind yourself that 50% of life is real, and 50% is how I perceive it. CHOOSE to see it differently. Choose to see that you are the driver of your own life, and remind yourself of the power within.

Perseverance is necessary for you to practice this skill and feel the feeling every single day. If you bring yourself back, meaning staying in alignment with the energy daily, you will see that your happiness will be yours to hold and keep no matter what happens in your current relationship.

Does this make sense to you? Let me know your thoughts here.

Reflecting Back on Your Relationship

Reflecting Back on Your Relationship

You will note stages, but I am not talking about 1. we got married, 2. bought a house, 3. had kids…that is all sequential and doesn’t require memory, recall, or feelings.

I mean something much more meaningful:
1. The first time you felt hurt deeply by your partner and felt extremely alone.
2. In your hurt, you had the courage to start speaking to your partner, friends, or family about it.
3. The ‘questioning’ of your relationship has become a frequent thought in your mind.
4. The energy in this thought has become bigger and stronger in you, while the energy you feel for your relationship drops extremely low. 5. Despite constant discussions, the problems become perpetual and you stop investing in the relationship.
6. You begin to live your own life but your energy for life drops to an all-time low.
7. You realize you cannot live like this anymore (mediocre/routine/sad/disappointed/alone) and seek couple counselling.
8. It helps short-term and then dissipates.
9. Now feeling even more helpless and disempowered you invest in private coaching for yourself.
10. Through self-actualization, you are now able to feel your feelings again and feel more empowered to change, and you realize it starts with you…

What happens after that? The story does not yet have an ending, and that is okay.

You will continue to write your story until the ending becomes extremely clear and your decision of ‘should I stay or should I go’ is determined and you are at peace with your question.

I help women at all stages of their relationships, even if this story tale does not have a happy ending, and it is determined that space apart is what is necessary, then THAT ends happily ever after. Happiness is indeed possible. If the separation turns into permanency and you find yourself going through a divorce, you need not be afraid.

Fear of disappointment and sadness is what keeps so many of us stuck in our relationships. Fear of disappointing their partners, their children, and their parents. But how about you? Don’t you mean anything? Are you not worthy of happiness? Do you think that God, the Universe, or Nature skipped you when It was dishing out self-worth at the time of your making?

Until you realize that YOU are the one that matters, the ONE that requires ‘big’ energy in order to attract all things good into your world, nothing will change.

You will get to the end of life, look back, and have little memories of anything; because you were not present for it. You were hiding in a mediocre life, staying safe, and telling yourself you are happy when you are not, telling yourself you are doing the right thing when really you are just scared of making a decision that you are worthy of more.

Make today the day to decide I am showing up. Let me know your thoughts here.