People Pleasers

People Pleasers

Most women who come to see me for therapy and coaching have some level of people-pleasing tendency in them. Not a surprise for most of you to hear this, right?

Overdoing it overdoes it.

In other words, when you give too much, you become depleted. When you become depleted, you are not yourselves. Your mind, body, and soul become distant from the essence of who you are as a woman and what you were truly meant to be on this 3-D plane we call Earth.

At some point in your life, you tipped the scale into a more masculine energy – the energy of DOING. All women need to balance the energy of doing with the energy of RECEIVING. When all your time is used DOING things, there is no way your body can be replenished. Thus now you are constantly existing from a place of lack.

There is never enough energy and time for yourselves. Your idea of ‘me’ time is a 10 min shower, a HITT session at the gym, 30 min of scrolling through social media plopped down on the couch after a long day, or stuffing your face with Doritos and gulping a glass of wine.

Women, listen to me when I say – this is NOT “ME TIME”.

Me time is the energy of receiving which may mean allowing contemplative thought, prayer, silence, connection with a loved one, reading a book, sitting down and being present while eating a meal or drinking coffee, spending time in nature, or spending a lot more time in the water. Something that clears your mind, rests your body and replenishes your soul.

Why is it so hard to practice this? Probably because you have been conditioned to believe that you must DO in order to be worthy. That your loved ones only love you if you are doing something for them. You are run with guilt unless you are pleasing someone other than yourself.

And should we speak about how Christianity and religion are tied into this? Maybe in another post, as I don’t think you have the next two hours to continue reading this. Because you have SH**#^T to do!! Right? Someone needs you right now.

This Communion Group Experience is for the woman who:

  • Operates constantly from the frequency of guilt
  • Operates constantly from the frequency of lack
  • Operates constantly from the frequency of shame
  • Suffers from low self-worth
  • Feels disempowered
  • Unable to self-identity who she really is…
  • Honestly, just needs to have a good cry and feel heard

There is something very magical about a small group experience. It feels both safe and secure. A place to be seen. A place to be held. A place to be understood. A place to transform.

Pull up a chair and feel like you belong here. My goal at the end is for you to see yourself as a woman who has personal power and knows how to use it. Check out my lastest Coaching Offers, Masterclasses and Communions here.

Why Shifting to a Positive Mindset Often Isn’t Enough When In a Difficult Marriage

Why Shifting to a Positive Mindset Often Isn’t Enough When In a Difficult Marriage

Positive thinking: something we are told we should be doing more. Don’t like the weather? You should be thinking positively, it could be much worse! Don’t like your husband right now? At least you have a husband! Let’s be honest, for the most part – these helpful tips do not work.

They don’t because you tend to the thought: yes, it could be worse, but only for a short moment, and then you default to your normal patterned ways of thinking which are: it is shitty weather and my husband is incapable of having a meaningful conversation.

Positive thinking plays on the mind, not the heart, so this is really the reason it is not as effective as we might like it to be.

Positive thinking is just that – thoughts. Thoughts can only make you feel better if the feeling behind the thought is better.

Wouldn’t my life as a therapist and coach be swell if it was just that easy? If someone comes in noting that they are incredibly sad, bored, lonely, and borderline depressed in their current relationship, and I respond, “But you have a nice house, and by the way, it is sunny today”. They pay me $$$ and leave feeling wonderful!!

Let’s be honest. It doesn’t work. What does work however is focusing on a better feeling thought. What do I mean by that? Well, it would be different for everyone, but it usually means focusing on what brings you joy. Thus, despite what is happening around us, we can focus on what has always brought us joy in the past. Maybe you were once an avid reader and life distracted you from it, or maybe you stopped playing music when kids came along because the house needed to be quiet, and you forgot how much music moved your energy.

Life changed when we got married and if you had children, it really changed. We forget who we are as a person. What lit us up when we were younger? Remember when you use to have those deep belly laughs? What made you laugh? Do you laugh with your partner? Why not? Has life taken these moments away from you? Guess what, you get to have them back.

When I focus on a better feeling thought (for me, this might be upcoming events that I look forward to, a special dish I want to prepare, a nature walk, or the simple fact that I have my health, full mobility, my morning coffee, or my bed…) it quickly brings me to gratitude. Gratitude radiates from the heart (not the mind) and that is why it works. But it would help if you went to the feeling first…not the thought. Look inside your heart, take a deep breath, and transport yourself to the sense of peacefulness that you get from doing the things that bring you joy.

Practice this and watch how your outlook on life and your relationship changes. You will see that you will naturally prefer these feelings/thoughts over all the reasons why your partner is not the right person for you. Has this helped you? Let me know.