People Pleasers

People Pleasers

Most women who come to see me for therapy and coaching have some level of people-pleasing tendency in them. Not a surprise for most of you to hear this, right?

Overdoing it overdoes it.

In other words, when you give too much, you become depleted. When you become depleted, you are not yourselves. Your mind, body, and soul become distant from the essence of who you are as a woman and what you were truly meant to be on this 3-D plane we call Earth.

At some point in your life, you tipped the scale into a more masculine energy – the energy of DOING. All women need to balance the energy of doing with the energy of RECEIVING. When all your time is used DOING things, there is no way your body can be replenished. Thus now you are constantly existing from a place of lack.

There is never enough energy and time for yourselves. Your idea of ‘me’ time is a 10 min shower, a HITT session at the gym, 30 min of scrolling through social media plopped down on the couch after a long day, or stuffing your face with Doritos and gulping a glass of wine.

Women, listen to me when I say – this is NOT “ME TIME”.

Me time is the energy of receiving which may mean allowing contemplative thought, prayer, silence, connection with a loved one, reading a book, sitting down and being present while eating a meal or drinking coffee, spending time in nature, or spending a lot more time in the water. Something that clears your mind, rests your body and replenishes your soul.

Why is it so hard to practice this? Probably because you have been conditioned to believe that you must DO in order to be worthy. That your loved ones only love you if you are doing something for them. You are run with guilt unless you are pleasing someone other than yourself.

And should we speak about how Christianity and religion are tied into this? Maybe in another post, as I don’t think you have the next two hours to continue reading this. Because you have SH**#^T to do!! Right? Someone needs you right now.

This Communion Group Experience is for the woman who:

  • Operates constantly from the frequency of guilt
  • Operates constantly from the frequency of lack
  • Operates constantly from the frequency of shame
  • Suffers from low self-worth
  • Feels disempowered
  • Unable to self-identity who she really is…
  • Honestly, just needs to have a good cry and feel heard

There is something very magical about a small group experience. It feels both safe and secure. A place to be seen. A place to be held. A place to be understood. A place to transform.

Pull up a chair and feel like you belong here. My goal at the end is for you to see yourself as a woman who has personal power and knows how to use it. Check out my lastest Coaching Offers, Masterclasses and Communions here.

Why Shifting to a Positive Mindset Often Isn’t Enough When In a Difficult Marriage

Why Shifting to a Positive Mindset Often Isn’t Enough When In a Difficult Marriage

Positive thinking: something we are told we should be doing more. Don’t like the weather? You should be thinking positively, it could be much worse! Don’t like your husband right now? At least you have a husband! Let’s be honest, for the most part – these helpful tips do not work.

They don’t because you tend to the thought: yes, it could be worse, but only for a short moment, and then you default to your normal patterned ways of thinking which are: it is shitty weather and my husband is incapable of having a meaningful conversation.

Positive thinking plays on the mind, not the heart, so this is really the reason it is not as effective as we might like it to be.

Positive thinking is just that – thoughts. Thoughts can only make you feel better if the feeling behind the thought is better.

Wouldn’t my life as a therapist and coach be swell if it was just that easy? If someone comes in noting that they are incredibly sad, bored, lonely, and borderline depressed in their current relationship, and I respond, “But you have a nice house, and by the way, it is sunny today”. They pay me $$$ and leave feeling wonderful!!

Let’s be honest. It doesn’t work. What does work however is focusing on a better feeling thought. What do I mean by that? Well, it would be different for everyone, but it usually means focusing on what brings you joy. Thus, despite what is happening around us, we can focus on what has always brought us joy in the past. Maybe you were once an avid reader and life distracted you from it, or maybe you stopped playing music when kids came along because the house needed to be quiet, and you forgot how much music moved your energy.

Life changed when we got married and if you had children, it really changed. We forget who we are as a person. What lit us up when we were younger? Remember when you use to have those deep belly laughs? What made you laugh? Do you laugh with your partner? Why not? Has life taken these moments away from you? Guess what, you get to have them back.

When I focus on a better feeling thought (for me, this might be upcoming events that I look forward to, a special dish I want to prepare, a nature walk, or the simple fact that I have my health, full mobility, my morning coffee, or my bed…) it quickly brings me to gratitude. Gratitude radiates from the heart (not the mind) and that is why it works. But it would help if you went to the feeling first…not the thought. Look inside your heart, take a deep breath, and transport yourself to the sense of peacefulness that you get from doing the things that bring you joy.

Practice this and watch how your outlook on life and your relationship changes. You will see that you will naturally prefer these feelings/thoughts over all the reasons why your partner is not the right person for you. Has this helped you? Let me know.



There is simplicity, and there is minimalism. I used to strive for minimalism, but now I realize that this has the potential to keep you in a lack mindset. A lack mindset has the connotation of never having enough, which is also a great self-reflection.

Are YOU ever enough? Or do you need to do more or be more to be enough?

As a child, I was enamoured to pride myself in doing without. In describing a lack of mindset, you understand that this can potentially have an extremely poor outcome. We do NOT want a lack mindset; we want an abundance mindset. Minimalism could be perceived as lacking, whereas simplicity would not.

To me, Simplicity is eloquent and wise.

When you come from a place of abundance, you quickly give and give, rather than hoard. Think of money for example. People that are comfortably secure with finances tend to have no difficulties giving. I realize this is not always the case (think of Gramma, a millionaire who picks up a quarter on the sidewalk and stashes it in her purse), but that is because of being stuck in the childhood programming of save, save. If Gramma would do the inner work, she may have been a billionaire instead.

To me, simplicity is a table full of local fruit, cheese, olives, fish or meat, and some rustic bread (yes, I am dreaming of Italy)…all fresh, local, and in pure form, with dazzling displays of their fruity flesh on beautiful dishware and a white table cloth.

Overdoing it overdoes it.

The art of Simplicity is an important art to practice in all aspects of our lives.

Cluttering your home can also clutter your mind. To be completely frank, many of the women who book with me feeling overwhelmed are the same women that have a lot of clutter in their life and in their homes. They crave peace of mind, but the kitchen sink is full of dishes, the laundry room has mountains of clothes, they are tripping over their kids’ shoes and the front door, and they cannot find their keys.

Simplicity is a clean home, one green palm branch in a simple glass vase of water or three bright blueberries majestically placed on a bowl of glistening white yogurt, surrounded with the pale yellow hughes of banana coins and slivers of bright red strawberries to satisfy both visionary and taste palettes. Simplicity calms the mind and allows you to be in the present.

This is what simplicity is for me and my colleague and friend Nicole White, an interior designer and coach. Together we will help you design your home and your mind in a way that alchemizes a place of peace and tranquillity in your life.

The Communion: 5 Individuals 5 weeks of guidance and integration. Respond here if decluttering your mind and a section of your home interests you. 

How More Limits Bring More Laughter

How More Limits Bring More Laughter

I am not sure if it is just me or every other woman out there that appreciates humour and laughter in their life.

I was talking to one of my clients about this the other day. I had noticed something different about her.

Her face was not as tight, and the muscles around her eyes were relaxed. Her eyes were brighter. And then she laughed out loud.

I hadn’t seen much of this side of her before, so I pointed it out. She noted she was happier. This made me happier.

We started talking about what an attractive quality it is in another person to have the ability to make someone laugh. I think it is an undervalued attribute of someone’s character. If you are a mother, think of what it feels, looks, and feels like to see your child laughing. 


You cannot help smiling because nothing makes you happier than knowing your child is happy.

When it comes to relationships, it is a powerful way of connecting. 

Does your partner make you laugh? How often do you laugh during the day? Do you allow yourself to laugh?

Laugh at your children, laugh at yourself, or how oddly crummy your day seems to be unfolding?

I want you to take notice of how much laughter you allow yourself to take part in during the day. I think it is as important as taking your supplements or any lifestyle medication you practice (yoga, food, self-care, journaling). After you take notice, compare this to how much you laughed 20+ years ago. Did it change? Why did it change?

Did YOU change or did your view of the world change? I doubt that you changed because remember you are still the same person you were at birth. You inherently did not change. The essence of who you are did not change. You were worthy of happiness, love, and connection then – just as you are now. Did you change or did you get out of alignment with your true self? Did distraction take you away from yourself?

If you are seeking reasons and validation for why you changed, then you must notice how you blame others for your sadness. Remember, if you are not laughing, smiling, and seeing the beauty and joy in your life, then you are focusing on lack. If you feel there is a lack in your life, then the answer is simply to become more focused on what you have AND reunite yourself with who you always were.

You haven’t changed.

You are still there.

No one knows who that person is until you show up as that person.

This might mean you need to remind people what is okay, and what is NOT okay. What takes you away from your laughter is essentially where your limits were not expressed. Do not blame them. Rather, be YOU.

Speak, connect, and remind them of who you are, but most importantly who you always were.

Does this make sense to you? Let me know your thoughts here.

Why Positive Thoughts are Not the Answer

Why Positive Thoughts are Not the Answer

Have you ever felt like positive thinking is not working…especially when you felt dismissed by your partner.

Maybe you are in a relationship right now where you feel every time you want to have a positive exchange with the person, it takes a swift left turn off your path of positive communication. Your intention was so good…why is this happening and what is the good in it all?

There are two things you need to keep in the forefront of your mind and it has nothing to do with positive thinking.

1) Perseverance

2) Context (energetic alignment = your perception of the problem)

Example: You wake up with your best intentions about speaking to your husband about finances, bank accounts, spending, credit cards, or what have you…

You walk into the room with either some numbers on a page, statements, or perhaps even a spreadsheet that you feel so proud about creating (because that is what we do as women, especially if we get to use pretty coloured Papermate Ink joy gel pens, highlighters, or Sharpies.

He is watching TV. You begin the conversation and as soon as you pull out your pretty sheet, his body language says ‘NO’.

Right away you are triggered and feel the need to explain your purpose, and it continues to go downhill.

You leave the room trying to think positive thoughts of he said he would look at it later, but these thoughts do not change your feelings of constantly being brushed off. Also, you cannot escape knowing that your energy has just plummeted. Your little one may come along and ask what is wrong and you brush it off with yet another positive expression of ‘ Oh nothing, Mommy just stubbed her toe’.

Perseverance and Context.

Perseverance requires resiliency in staying in the knowing that you are worthy of being heard, felt, and loved. Your suggestions and views are worth noting – that your thoughts, ideas, and beliefs in these areas are substantive. You notice the hurt, but you do not stay in the hurt. You walk beside the hurt.

In order to walk beside the hurt you need to gather the context. Context is the beautiful energetic vortex of ‘no one touches this belief/vision/knowing of myself’ but you cannot just think it, you have to feel it. The thoughts combined with the feeling are what keep your vision in its purest form and in total alignment with the universe. This energetic context is what reigns in your personal power. At this point, it helps to remind yourself that 50% of life is real, and 50% is how I perceive it. CHOOSE to see it differently. Choose to see that you are the driver of your own life, and remind yourself of the power within.

Perseverance is necessary for you to practice this skill and feel the feeling every single day. If you bring yourself back, meaning staying in alignment with the energy daily, you will see that your happiness will be yours to hold and keep no matter what happens in your current relationship.

Does this make sense to you? Let me know your thoughts here.

Reflecting Back on Your Relationship

Reflecting Back on Your Relationship

You will note stages, but I am not talking about 1. we got married, 2. bought a house, 3. had kids…that is all sequential and doesn’t require memory, recall, or feelings.

I mean something much more meaningful:
1. The first time you felt hurt deeply by your partner and felt extremely alone.
2. In your hurt, you had the courage to start speaking to your partner, friends, or family about it.
3. The ‘questioning’ of your relationship has become a frequent thought in your mind.
4. The energy in this thought has become bigger and stronger in you, while the energy you feel for your relationship drops extremely low. 5. Despite constant discussions, the problems become perpetual and you stop investing in the relationship.
6. You begin to live your own life but your energy for life drops to an all-time low.
7. You realize you cannot live like this anymore (mediocre/routine/sad/disappointed/alone) and seek couple counselling.
8. It helps short-term and then dissipates.
9. Now feeling even more helpless and disempowered you invest in private coaching for yourself.
10. Through self-actualization, you are now able to feel your feelings again and feel more empowered to change, and you realize it starts with you…

What happens after that? The story does not yet have an ending, and that is okay.

You will continue to write your story until the ending becomes extremely clear and your decision of ‘should I stay or should I go’ is determined and you are at peace with your question.

I help women at all stages of their relationships, even if this story tale does not have a happy ending, and it is determined that space apart is what is necessary, then THAT ends happily ever after. Happiness is indeed possible. If the separation turns into permanency and you find yourself going through a divorce, you need not be afraid.

Fear of disappointment and sadness is what keeps so many of us stuck in our relationships. Fear of disappointing their partners, their children, and their parents. But how about you? Don’t you mean anything? Are you not worthy of happiness? Do you think that God, the Universe, or Nature skipped you when It was dishing out self-worth at the time of your making?

Until you realize that YOU are the one that matters, the ONE that requires ‘big’ energy in order to attract all things good into your world, nothing will change.

You will get to the end of life, look back, and have little memories of anything; because you were not present for it. You were hiding in a mediocre life, staying safe, and telling yourself you are happy when you are not, telling yourself you are doing the right thing when really you are just scared of making a decision that you are worthy of more.

Make today the day to decide I am showing up. Let me know your thoughts here.