Drawing a Line in the Sand

Drawing a Line in the Sand

I prefer this phrase when referring to setting limits in personal relationships over the term boundary. I am not sure why exactly; I think it is because boundary sounds so divisive. There is too much division in the world already, we don’t need more. To me, boundary feels like a steel door slamming someone in the face, and it doesn’t need to be like this.

Have you ever wondered why women have so much difficulty setting limits on what we endure and what we will not? The concept is so simple. It is a matter of ‘this is okay with me and this is not okay with me’. Why is this so difficult to do?

Because when we set limits, we anticipate disappointment from others. Especially if it is declared towards someone we care about. We perceive hurting their feelings. And as young girls, we are told that hurting someone’s feelings is not nice.

However, being the vixens we are…we found a way around it (perhaps unconsciously).

We figured out that if we make our limits very vague and unclear towards someone, and then if they get it wrong (cross the line in the sand)we are not overly disappointed in them because, after all, we were not precise and clear with the limit. It is like we have already created the perception that this individual is not capable of honouring our needs.

As women, we will do anything to avoid disappointment. It is a deep feminine wound. It rips our hearts open and we feel it in our guts.

So the cycle of disappointment begins…

Unclear, vague, and nonspecific requests are sent out to avoid any potential risk that if our needs are not met, we won’t be overly disappointed because after all, we were not that clear in our request and we hope for a better outcome next time.

As women, we continue to play the boy who cried wolf. We have moments of courage, state our needs, draw the line in the sand, then second guess our needs, dishonour our worth, and so it goes…

The crazy thing about it is that now you are BOTH disappointed AND they crossed the line again!

Instead, let’s choose to be disappointed and have your needs honoured. This is the only way to break the cycle of disappointment. The disappointment of staying true to your worth will not have the same half-life as consequently playing weak and small.

You are highly intelligent and know what you need to thrive in this world. Stop playing small and choose to live in alignment with your needs and desires. No one knows what your needs are as best as you do – therefore you are doing a disservice to yourself by not being clear, precise, and specific.

It would be disrespectful to those you love to communicate anything but a very clear message of where you draw the line.

Helping Women Regain Power

Helping Women Regain Power

I was inspired to write this post after reading an excerpt from the Bloomberg Report that stated just two women were among this year’s 14 Nobel prize winners.

This is yet another example of how women remain underrepresented in the world’s most prestigious science awards, noting the lack of diversity in achievement status.

Last Thanksgiving I has the opportunity to split the day between spending time with my mother and my mother-in-law, who despite their ages are still so active in mind and body. I have the utmost respect for these women.

Neither of them had the opportunity to climb the corporate ladder as we now have as women in our generation, but they certainly embraced their power through womanhood; that is, caring for their families with incredible dedication. They gave up their own passions just to be a mother to their children and supportive wife to their partners.

I can honestly say that when it came time for me to make a statement to the world at 18, I wanted to feel empowered differently. Possibly because I did not see my mother as being fulfilled or joyful. I had the yearning to do it more and placed much of my energy into my career.

Looking back now, I see how this was a constant struggle for me. I would get disappointed constantly.

I should be earning more at this stage in my career

I should be spending more time with my kids, friends, or family.

I should look or dress differently.

I should be happier in my marriage.

I should be all of these things, but I felt like I was failing at everything.

It is our time to ask ourselves the basic fundamental question:

What do we truly desire in life?

And then focus intently on that while being incredibly grateful for what we have at this moment in time.

Remember that being grateful for what you have means owning your actions and decisions. This requires having healthy boundaries with yourself and others so you own the action you decide to take instead of feeling pushed left and right to do things throughout the day based, on what others expect from you.

Find out what makes you feel powerful and stand out in the world and claim it now. It might be your womanhood as a mother, or it may be an entrepreneur or a CEO in your career and then coming home to your family at the end of the day happily and joyfully, without disappointment doing so.

You can have both in this world. As a woman, you can leave your legacy in any of these ways and still have the peace and fulfillment you crave while doing so.

Please connect with me if any of you have felt this.

Rapid Transformational Therapy or Hypnotherapy

Rapid Transformational Therapy or Hypnotherapy

This is a topic I rarely bring up in my office. Let me explain to you what it is exactly and who is the best candidate for it. I think you will find it interesting, so please read on.

I first came across the notion of becoming trained in hypnotherapy in 2017, when I came across the work of Marisa Peer. Some of you may recognize her name as the founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy, or RTT. Marisa is well known in self-development platforms, such as Mindvalley.

There are two proponents of RTT that caught my attention back in 2017. One was the idea of this being rapid with quick results.

We all want quick results. Ask any GP this question and I am sure you would hear the same. There is a pill for every ill, right Doc?

The second proponent of her method that drew me in was that it was transformational in the sense that there is no messing around. We get to the root reason and cause as to why you are feeling the way you are today, and we approach it head on. We get to work on those inner child wounds.

Your motivation to change increases as well because with understanding, comes clarity. As humans, we are more engaged in the healing process when we understand the journey. Things don’t seem so scary anymore. The magnitude of the challenge to change also decreases to a level that seems approachable, doable, and sustainable. As Victor Frankl stated in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, “In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning”.

Okay, now that you understand why I got hooked, I am going to tell you a bit more about my own journey as a hypnotherapist from 2017 -2022.

I have never counted the number of clients who conducted hypnotherapy (specifically RTT) with me, but I would have to guess that it would be well over 200. With a fair bit of certainty, I would also say it has made a lasting effect on how they think. The most profound change was their inner dialogue, that is, the voices in their head altered.

Although there are a fair number of hypnotherapists in Winnipeg, I think they would all conduct it a bit differently. I am the only RTT therapist. I also know that some hypnotherapists specialize in a specific change, for example smoking, fertility, gambling or grief.

I now realize that Marisa’s claim to fame that it is a one-time fix, but to be honest with you, is not very realistic. First of all, we are all constantly working on ourselves in terms of being a better person than the day before. So, to claim it is a one-time fix never resonated with me.

However, as time went on I thought, “I can make this even better”. I began to include follow-up sessions spaced over a period of time, as well as a daily email to further cement the new ‘habit of thought’. I also consistently checked-in with my client and made sure things were settling-in okay for them. I wanted to let them know, they are not alone.

The thoroughness of that first session and the intense inner work, allows for a much better opportunity for insight because you have the time to get deep. You can marinate in those feelings and have a better understanding why you think and behave the way you do!! Finally, you realize the power OF YOUR MIND to change the behaviors that ensued due to the thoughts. You realize what those blocks are!

One more important note. The personalized recording, which is created in the first session, based on what came up in the induction period, will serve to change the habit of thought, which in turn changes the habit of action. You are then accountable to listen to that recording (normally between 10-15 min) every day for the next 45 days.

So, what kind of person do I need to be in order for this to be successful? You must be: Attentive to Your Thoughts with a Strong Willingness to Change.

With those two characteristics anyone can become suggestible during the induction and achieve their intention.

To once again quote Victor Frankl’s work, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”

In my professional opinion, this method is the most efficient way of attaining this space.

Ahh… to dream…

Ahh… to dream…

Once we hit puberty, it seems as if we are no longer allowed to dream. Goodbye childhood awe…hello reality.

No more Santa, flying horses and Never Neverland. And romance??? Silly girl, there is no such thing as romance… That is only in the movies and books.

Welcome to Reality! Ughh… Welcome to boredom.

But what if we could still follow our desires? After all, the fact that we have a yearning, a deep thirst, means that it was spurred for a reason.

What if we could continue to dream, focus on our desires, and be happy, despite not already attaining what we desire? What if you could put a system in place while waiting for your dreams to come true?

A system that maintains happiness and sets you free from the mediocracy of life. A system that holds you in your lowest of lows and maintains your happiness in the highest of highs? A system that allows you to feel the full spectrum of emotions instead of keeping you locked in neutral – locked into safety – locked into what feels ‘right’.

Life is boring in neutral.

Safety keeps you stuck.

Right robs you of your vitality.

If you connect with this post and it has triggered your curiosity in wanting to learn more…message me and we can connect on a call.

I would love to hear what your desires are or perhaps help you to rediscover yourself again.

What Losing Yourself as a Woman Means to Me

What Losing Yourself as a Woman Means to Me

I believe most women can relate to a time when they lost the essence of who they are or what they stand for due to their external situation.

We begin to struggle and doubt ourselves and allow for the separation to continue; the division within ourselves.

We move away from the feminine part of ourselves (feeling into the emotion) and step into ‘doing’ something about it. That may show up as working harder at your career, getting more ‘steps’ in the day and spending more time in the gym for the body transformation, or taking over more chores in the house and being more of a mom.

What we don’t realize in all our ‘doing’ is that we distract ourselves from our feelings. For women, feeling is the secret sauce that we can claim as our power. It is what makes us magical and the likeness of a sorceress. Do not shy away from your feelings. Embrace them, and allow your feelings to walk beside you momentarily until you are ready to leave them behind. They bubble up for a reason, do not suppress them by your ‘doing’.

Yes, it does mean that we tend to hurt on a deeper level but this also means we are allowed to claim the highs with such exhilarant joy.

So, honour the times when you are deeply hurt and realize that your body senses that for a reason. It was nudging you to get in touch with yourself. Who am I? What do I stand for? What are my values? Do not coalesce and accept what is happening right before your eyes. This might mean having hard conversations with your partner and tapping into your values. You are not only doing it for yourself, but for everyone around you, including your friends, family and your children.

If you feel it, it is for a reason. Trust in it. Have faith in it.

Thinking Less and Feeling More

Thinking Less and Feeling More

Have you ever heard of the term ‘ what resists persists’?

If someone tells you that you cannot have something, that is all you want. If you are trying to think of a word, it will not enter your mind.

You cannot ‘will’ it away.

When one focuses too much on thought, and not enough on feelings, an imbalance of energy occurs. This is true for so many situations, but let’s focus on anxiety.

To live life from intellect only is something that men especially struggle with.

I had a call with a man today. He was a bit confused because he thought it was good to call his wife when he gets anxious so that she could listen and talk it through with him. I asked him why he felt the need to call her and speak about his anxiety with her. He said it was because he felt better after talking to her and he thought he was supposed to talk about his feelings. However, he also mentioned that she was beginning to resent this… and therefore called me.

There are a few problems with this.

  1. He is acting too much from feminine energy and
  2. This then causes her to ‘mother’ him which is masculine energy,
  3. He is relying on her to rid his anxiety.

My client has forgotten that he has a choice. He can choose what to focus his energy on and what he wants to feel in the moment. If his energy is anxious/low energy, it doesn’t help to distract from the feeling/energy and call his wife in order for her to ‘fix’ it. It is much better to not ‘resist’ the feeling. He needs to embody the feeling and perhaps breathe through the feeling. Pay attention to the feeling – do not ‘think’ it away. If the feeling is there, it is for a reason.

By processing the feeling, he will notice it move through him easier. Once processed, he will feel more empowered and able to focus his energy elsewhere. In other words, feel disappointment and sadness, and realize he has the option to feel and think different thoughts that will allow him to feel differently.

He is now empowered to take control of his life; to move energy through his body with focused attention to thought, processing feelings (feeling the energy move through him), which allows different thoughts to infiltrate and regain his focus and awareness towards what he wants the rest of his day to look like. This in turn balances each other’s masculine and feminine energy and subsequently, supports their relationship.