Trauma is in Your Tissues

Trauma is in Your Tissues

This post is for those who feel they need to go to therapy forever because of the trauma they have experienced.

The good news is that you no longer need your therapist on redial. The bad news is that your trauma lives within your tissues.

I had a client call this week that made this an indisputable point. Here is the shortened version of her story.

She separated from an emotionally abused marriage many years ago. She was thriving. Incredibly independent and dedicated to both her son and her career. She also was excellent at balancing the two main demands of her life.

She was not a health ‘freak’ by any means but still remained in good health. Good genes (we joked). But a few months ago, she came down with a viral infection in her lungs and took her out for a few days. However, with rest, it didn’t take long to get back on track.

Here is the plot twist. Close to the same time that she was ill, she was also playing around a bit with online dating – it took her some time to get the courage. Well, the guy she thought was quite awesome was a jerk and ghosted her. Sad state of affairs that such cowards continue to exist these days…

Now this is when it gets interesting. From out of nowhere (or so it seemed) she started getting panic attacks, to the point where she felt she would faint on the way to work and turned around and headed to urgent care. Docs checked her out extensively, and she is 100% healthy. One of the docs did say this to her; however, he sees this quite commonly in women between the ages of 30-40 post-infection (viral/bacterial).

What my message is to you – just like your DNA, your environment will ignite your trauma. You will continue to be triggered by your trauma.

In functional medicine, we always say, ‘Your genes hold the gun, and the environment pulls the trigger’.

My guidance was teaching her how to regain control of her mind. I suggested ways to reprogram her mind to work for her, not against her. I sent her home with multiple exercises that focused on mind work and belief systems, creating a DAILY PRACTICE to change her belief systems, which ultimately resulted in being able to NOTICE the THOUGHTS stemming from the subconscious/trauma/tissues (SELF-AWARENESS), then consciously DECIDING that these fears are NOT AN OPTION because the truth is…

She is safe.

In summary, her weakened immune system and an environmental trigger (being ghosted by a coward) were enough to ‘pull the trigger’ and awaken the trauma stored in her tissues. However, with proper daily self-care and facing her fears of unsafety, she is changing her belief system one day at a time and therefore changing her life.

To learn more about how to Believe, Decide, Visualize, and Create/Manifest your reality, I have a great program starting soon called I Decide: Feeling the Freedom after the Decision. Dm me for details!

Fake relationships with others (including yourself)

Fake relationships with others (including yourself)

Many of us feel fake when it comes to our relationships. Relationship with ourselves and our relationship with partners. On the outside, everything looks great…but on the inside, it is often not the same.

I was extremely reluctant to begin posting on social media, particularly Facebook.

This stems from two main reasons, I have seen how some people’s mental health has plummeted due to comparisonitis. Why does my life suck when yours is so great? Second, I keep my personal life under lock and key. I have always been a private, low-key person.

Let’s be honest, we only post our best photos, our best memories with our partner or friends, etc. etc. So therefore of course it is all fake!

But since posting on Facebook, I am seeing a lovely group of folks who have taken the time to read my posts, comment, and ‘like’. I have had marketing experts tell me ‘likes’ are fake as well. Okay, I get that as well, but can’t people just be friendly?

But that fact is, we are all waking around with a degree of fakeness aren’t we?

 If you wear any makeup, aren’t you fake? If you choose a ‘sliming’ line of clothing, if you proclaim you eat clean but eating too much sugar during the holidays…aren’t you fake? If you yelled at your kid or partner in the last couple of days and then make a post about kindness, aren’t you fake?

I think the deeper problem is one of self-judgment and therefore I don’t have a problem with choosing to post about xyz while fully knowing that I am both a work of art and a work in progress. I am human. Thus, when I post, I am not going to apologize for choosing a filter so that I look prettier, or for a happy memory with a loved one, be it my partner, friend, or mom – even though we had a huge disagreement the night before.

To me, it all funnels down to You Be You. Genuine authentic you. No apologies you. If it makes you feel good to get all dulled up and then post at your happiest moment of the day, week or month, then do it. If you spend 20 min a day on social media because it makes you feel supported, it makes you laugh, or whatever, you are not a bad person for it.

What makes a difference is WHY you use social media not whether you use social media. Is it to celebrate yourself, and your family, maybe eating a nutritious meal? Or is it to distract yourself from your thoughts? Let’s hope not it is not the latter.

The bottom line, there is always a fine balance in life. If it distracts you from your other responsibilities as a partner, parent, or employee, then it is taking away from the purpose of being on social media. If you are celebrating any part of yourself, which includes feeding your mind with good content that provides a catalyst for self-reflection .. pat yourself on the back.

By the way, no one called me fake, that is not why I decided to post this. I posted it for myself, to honour my needs, and to process my thoughts about Facebook and social media in general.

My goal at the end is for you to see yourself as a woman who has personal power and knows how to use it. Check out my lastest Coaching Offers, Masterclasses and Communions here.

People Pleasers

People Pleasers

Most women who come to see me for therapy and coaching have some level of people-pleasing tendency in them. Not a surprise for most of you to hear this, right?

Overdoing it overdoes it.

In other words, when you give too much, you become depleted. When you become depleted, you are not yourselves. Your mind, body, and soul become distant from the essence of who you are as a woman and what you were truly meant to be on this 3-D plane we call Earth.

At some point in your life, you tipped the scale into a more masculine energy – the energy of DOING. All women need to balance the energy of doing with the energy of RECEIVING. When all your time is used DOING things, there is no way your body can be replenished. Thus now you are constantly existing from a place of lack.

There is never enough energy and time for yourselves. Your idea of ‘me’ time is a 10 min shower, a HITT session at the gym, 30 min of scrolling through social media plopped down on the couch after a long day, or stuffing your face with Doritos and gulping a glass of wine.

Women, listen to me when I say – this is NOT “ME TIME”.

Me time is the energy of receiving which may mean allowing contemplative thought, prayer, silence, connection with a loved one, reading a book, sitting down and being present while eating a meal or drinking coffee, spending time in nature, or spending a lot more time in the water. Something that clears your mind, rests your body and replenishes your soul.

Why is it so hard to practice this? Probably because you have been conditioned to believe that you must DO in order to be worthy. That your loved ones only love you if you are doing something for them. You are run with guilt unless you are pleasing someone other than yourself.

And should we speak about how Christianity and religion are tied into this? Maybe in another post, as I don’t think you have the next two hours to continue reading this. Because you have SH**#^T to do!! Right? Someone needs you right now.

This Communion Group Experience is for the woman who:

  • Operates constantly from the frequency of guilt
  • Operates constantly from the frequency of lack
  • Operates constantly from the frequency of shame
  • Suffers from low self-worth
  • Feels disempowered
  • Unable to self-identity who she really is…
  • Honestly, just needs to have a good cry and feel heard

There is something very magical about a small group experience. It feels both safe and secure. A place to be seen. A place to be held. A place to be understood. A place to transform.

Pull up a chair and feel like you belong here. My goal at the end is for you to see yourself as a woman who has personal power and knows how to use it. Check out my lastest Coaching Offers, Masterclasses and Communions here.

Why Shifting to a Positive Mindset Often Isn’t Enough When In a Difficult Marriage

Why Shifting to a Positive Mindset Often Isn’t Enough When In a Difficult Marriage

Positive thinking: something we are told we should be doing more. Don’t like the weather? You should be thinking positively, it could be much worse! Don’t like your husband right now? At least you have a husband! Let’s be honest, for the most part – these helpful tips do not work.

They don’t because you tend to the thought: yes, it could be worse, but only for a short moment, and then you default to your normal patterned ways of thinking which are: it is shitty weather and my husband is incapable of having a meaningful conversation.

Positive thinking plays on the mind, not the heart, so this is really the reason it is not as effective as we might like it to be.

Positive thinking is just that – thoughts. Thoughts can only make you feel better if the feeling behind the thought is better.

Wouldn’t my life as a therapist and coach be swell if it was just that easy? If someone comes in noting that they are incredibly sad, bored, lonely, and borderline depressed in their current relationship, and I respond, “But you have a nice house, and by the way, it is sunny today”. They pay me $$$ and leave feeling wonderful!!

Let’s be honest. It doesn’t work. What does work however is focusing on a better feeling thought. What do I mean by that? Well, it would be different for everyone, but it usually means focusing on what brings you joy. Thus, despite what is happening around us, we can focus on what has always brought us joy in the past. Maybe you were once an avid reader and life distracted you from it, or maybe you stopped playing music when kids came along because the house needed to be quiet, and you forgot how much music moved your energy.

Life changed when we got married and if you had children, it really changed. We forget who we are as a person. What lit us up when we were younger? Remember when you use to have those deep belly laughs? What made you laugh? Do you laugh with your partner? Why not? Has life taken these moments away from you? Guess what, you get to have them back.

When I focus on a better feeling thought (for me, this might be upcoming events that I look forward to, a special dish I want to prepare, a nature walk, or the simple fact that I have my health, full mobility, my morning coffee, or my bed…) it quickly brings me to gratitude. Gratitude radiates from the heart (not the mind) and that is why it works. But it would help if you went to the feeling first…not the thought. Look inside your heart, take a deep breath, and transport yourself to the sense of peacefulness that you get from doing the things that bring you joy.

Practice this and watch how your outlook on life and your relationship changes. You will see that you will naturally prefer these feelings/thoughts over all the reasons why your partner is not the right person for you. Has this helped you? Let me know.



There is simplicity, and there is minimalism. I used to strive for minimalism, but now I realize that this has the potential to keep you in a lack mindset. A lack mindset has the connotation of never having enough, which is also a great self-reflection.

Are YOU ever enough? Or do you need to do more or be more to be enough?

As a child, I was enamoured to pride myself in doing without. In describing a lack of mindset, you understand that this can potentially have an extremely poor outcome. We do NOT want a lack mindset; we want an abundance mindset. Minimalism could be perceived as lacking, whereas simplicity would not.

To me, Simplicity is eloquent and wise.

When you come from a place of abundance, you quickly give and give, rather than hoard. Think of money for example. People that are comfortably secure with finances tend to have no difficulties giving. I realize this is not always the case (think of Gramma, a millionaire who picks up a quarter on the sidewalk and stashes it in her purse), but that is because of being stuck in the childhood programming of save, save. If Gramma would do the inner work, she may have been a billionaire instead.

To me, simplicity is a table full of local fruit, cheese, olives, fish or meat, and some rustic bread (yes, I am dreaming of Italy)…all fresh, local, and in pure form, with dazzling displays of their fruity flesh on beautiful dishware and a white table cloth.

Overdoing it overdoes it.

The art of Simplicity is an important art to practice in all aspects of our lives.

Cluttering your home can also clutter your mind. To be completely frank, many of the women who book with me feeling overwhelmed are the same women that have a lot of clutter in their life and in their homes. They crave peace of mind, but the kitchen sink is full of dishes, the laundry room has mountains of clothes, they are tripping over their kids’ shoes and the front door, and they cannot find their keys.

Simplicity is a clean home, one green palm branch in a simple glass vase of water or three bright blueberries majestically placed on a bowl of glistening white yogurt, surrounded with the pale yellow hughes of banana coins and slivers of bright red strawberries to satisfy both visionary and taste palettes. Simplicity calms the mind and allows you to be in the present.

This is what simplicity is for me and my colleague and friend Nicole White, an interior designer and coach. Together we will help you design your home and your mind in a way that alchemizes a place of peace and tranquillity in your life.

The Communion: 5 Individuals 5 weeks of guidance and integration. Respond here if decluttering your mind and a section of your home interests you. 

How More Limits Bring More Laughter

How More Limits Bring More Laughter

I am not sure if it is just me or every other woman out there that appreciates humour and laughter in their life.

I was talking to one of my clients about this the other day. I had noticed something different about her.

Her face was not as tight, and the muscles around her eyes were relaxed. Her eyes were brighter. And then she laughed out loud.

I hadn’t seen much of this side of her before, so I pointed it out. She noted she was happier. This made me happier.

We started talking about what an attractive quality it is in another person to have the ability to make someone laugh. I think it is an undervalued attribute of someone’s character. If you are a mother, think of what it feels, looks, and feels like to see your child laughing. 


You cannot help smiling because nothing makes you happier than knowing your child is happy.

When it comes to relationships, it is a powerful way of connecting. 

Does your partner make you laugh? How often do you laugh during the day? Do you allow yourself to laugh?

Laugh at your children, laugh at yourself, or how oddly crummy your day seems to be unfolding?

I want you to take notice of how much laughter you allow yourself to take part in during the day. I think it is as important as taking your supplements or any lifestyle medication you practice (yoga, food, self-care, journaling). After you take notice, compare this to how much you laughed 20+ years ago. Did it change? Why did it change?

Did YOU change or did your view of the world change? I doubt that you changed because remember you are still the same person you were at birth. You inherently did not change. The essence of who you are did not change. You were worthy of happiness, love, and connection then – just as you are now. Did you change or did you get out of alignment with your true self? Did distraction take you away from yourself?

If you are seeking reasons and validation for why you changed, then you must notice how you blame others for your sadness. Remember, if you are not laughing, smiling, and seeing the beauty and joy in your life, then you are focusing on lack. If you feel there is a lack in your life, then the answer is simply to become more focused on what you have AND reunite yourself with who you always were.

You haven’t changed.

You are still there.

No one knows who that person is until you show up as that person.

This might mean you need to remind people what is okay, and what is NOT okay. What takes you away from your laughter is essentially where your limits were not expressed. Do not blame them. Rather, be YOU.

Speak, connect, and remind them of who you are, but most importantly who you always were.

Does this make sense to you? Let me know your thoughts here.