Most couples think it is about communication

Most couples think it is about communication

Most couples think it is about communication. ‘ I need you to talk to me’ or ‘ I need you to tell me you love me’. ‘I need you to text me to ask me how I am feeling or how my day is going.’

Do you understand what is wrong with those statements? The words ” I need” are what is wrong with those statements. You don’t need them to do anything. Instead, tell them how you feel.

Your relationship will improve when you start acting and communicating from a place of feeling, rather than a place of thinking.

What I am really saying is to get in touch with yourself first. Only when you speak about your feelings can your partner start understanding you. If you come from a place of need, you are

a) coming from a place of lack, so you will attract more lack

b) discrediting his needs because you are putting your needs in front of your partner

If you are not feeling good about your relationship, then communicate your feelings while honouring his/her needs. Become curious about why your partner is behaving in a manner that you are not in favour of. But before you do that, ask yourself why you are not okay with the behaviour.

I am sorry, but it is all about self-growth and getting curious about yourself before any repair in communication can happen. I say ‘sorry’ because most individuals rather hear that their partner needs to change, not them (also, I am CDN and therefore the word sorry is a part of my daily vernacular

If it was as simple as communication then two individuals could cohabitate as roommates or business partners and live happily ever after. This is why Hallmark can charge $10 for a card! We like to think it is all about communication, but communication comes second. Inner work comes first.

How you behave has everything to do with tapping into your feelings and holding space for the deep hurt while experiencing the incredible joys. How you feel and behave is a reflection of the 

balance between your masculine and feminine energy (yes, we all have both). You can choose to live from your wounds or choose to allow yourself to feel ALL of the emotions.

If you are curious to learn more about inner work in order to experience true connection, I am here to help.

Having Difficult Conversations are Necessary in a Relationship

Having Difficult Conversations are Necessary in a Relationship

Many of us feel the need to play it safe. We don’t want to ‘rock the boat’. The problem with this is that your relationship stays stagnant.

I would say that 80% of couples come to me stating they have difficulty communicating to one another.

Stepping into safety by not talking about how you feel about something they did or say is the most common way of playing it safe. Most people think these discussions will end in about conflict and think ” it is not worth the argument’.

But that is my point, it doesn’t have to be an argument!

Some common examples might be not expressing your disinterest in cooking, how your partner dresses, or their hygienic practices, the fact that they can never place their cup in the dishwasher, etc. This doesn’t need to be a big, sit down discussions, but simply a mention. You can say something like ” hey, it is not a big deal, but it would be great if you could….” and if your partner answers ” well, it is a big deal”. Then you could reply – okay, just thought I would like you know how I feel… I still love you anyway. There is a VERY high chance that after hearing your response, they may gradually start behaving differently.

This is how to navigate a relationship properly: 1) Access what are the deal breakers and practice having difficult conversations in order to reestablish your self-worth, 2) For the smaller disappointments – the non-deal breakers, just let them know that the little things you do for them are done not because you feel you need to do it, but because you want to do it, because…you love them.

When you practice honouring yourself in a relationship in a very kind and gentle manner, you grow and your relationship grows.

Saying nothing about how you feel about certain aspects or behaviours about your partner is likely a sign that there is a ” I should” behind your behaviours or thoughts. Those two words – I SHOULD – are always of sign of feeling misaligned in the sense that you are doing from a place of societal or parental views of what you SHOULD BE rather than what you simply ARE.

Knowing that you have the right to feel and express your feelings is the most important aspect of your self growth as well as in your relationships.

If your partner is not willing to grow with you – then this will need to be looked at more closely.

This is one of the topics I will cover in my upcoming Masterclass: Finding Peace and Hope in Your Current and Past Relationships. For more info on my Masterclass click here.