How to Attract a Partner Who Wants What You Want

How to Attract a Partner Who Wants What You Want

At some time in our lives, we have gone through the process of trying to figure out why this person broke up with us. We go through the last few interactions with this person (if it was a new relationship), and question if it was something you said, or didn’t say, did or didn’t do… there must be a reason, but what is it?

And, so the dialogue with yourself begins:

What is wrong with me? Why do I always attract the person that inevitably doesn’t want to be with me? All I want is a companion that I can laugh, play and do life with. Why NOT me?

 If this sounds like you, you are not alone. Searching for that perfect person may seem like an endless journey. However, I need to remind you that the length of the journey doesn’t matter in retrospect, it is the pot of gold at the end that will make you realize it was worth it since the journey is all about growth and learning. The fact that ‘the one’ has not yet appeared simply means you are still evolving to the point that your energy will best align with the partner that completes you as a person. The evolution will continue past the point of connection; however, you will now do it together. So, you can relax simply in the knowing that it will become your reality.

Many women lose patience in the journey. They give up because they are tired and fed up. Fed up searching online dating sites, fed up being matched, fed up with getting excited about a person they seem to really like and connect with, only to be rejected once again. They spiral down into self-doubt, self-judgement, and hopelessness. This is where the problems sit. The reinstatement of all the low-energy thoughts keeps them stuck. They have stepped out of the present and into themselves and their ego, along with the ‘should-ofs’ that cycle through their heads like a whirlwind.

 Recently, I had a woman in her 40s describing the exact scenario. She was extremely down and discouraged because of a one-month relationship ending. She realized it was too short to become extremely attached, but she said it had been one year since she felt any attraction to any man, so it was exciting for her. He ended it quite suddenly and his reason was that he wasn’t ready for marriage. She felt this was ridiculous because she never once said that was in her vision and told him that it would be fine to just be with each other as companions. He again said no.

I explained to her that she didn’t have to articulate the words ‘ I want to settle down’ because she emulated her energy spoke the words for her and he astutely picked up on it. She asked me how she could rid this low energy once and for all. We began with step 1 of my program. I helped her to choose the new words she would tell herself to replace the old words of self-deprecation. In step 2 we established the micro-goals or opportunities she would have on any given day to establish a new way of self-talk that aligned with the confident woman she longed to rebirth. In step 3, we continue to build this habit of thought until the habit built her (up).

In other words, when she relaxed and practised self-awareness, it was much easier to catch her thoughts and fill herself with self-love and self-honour. The happiness was felt consistently, despite being alone. It is only at this time that she was now ready to attract a man who wants to settle down with a lifelong companion.

If you resonate with the story that you are not worthy enough of a lifelong partner that adores and honours you, feel free to reach out to me. It turns out it is not that difficult to attain, once you understand the science of love.

When Your Partner Craves a Substance More Than He Craves You

When Your Partner Craves a Substance More Than He Craves You

If you are someone who has been in a committed relationship in which your partner is struggling with substance abuse or misuse, you will certainly relate to the words on this page. No one wants to compete for attention with a drug or behaviour, whether it be cocaine, alcohol, work, pessimism, or gambling. It is a very lonely place to find yourself.

Everyone has a different story as to why they started to take on an unhealthy habit. For some it might be trauma, others peer pressure, while for others it can be innocently beginning a to just feel what it was like, but after years of partaking realized that their own body’s physiology has changed, and the craving is now controlling them. They have normalized disconnecting from their body.

Difficult conversations need to happen between the couple. For the partner that chooses the substance over family and friendships, it is a choice of whether they are ‘interested’ in breaking the cycle of addiction, or whether they deeply want to change. I have a lot of individuals coming to me that are interested in quitting, but very few who are committed. I can reflect back to how I helped a woman break free from a relationship where her partner chose a drug over her.

I explained that she did not need to feel embarrassed, guilty, or ashamed of her decision to step away from the relationship. The solution lies in looking inside herself. What sort of person is she aligned to becoming? When asked this question, she realized that her values aligned with family life, spending time with the children, and building a future together that would support one another as they work towards a shared vision of what their life might look like once the children have left the family home, and retired from their respective careers. As clarity and light penetrated her loneliness, she didn’t approach him with blame and criticism as she once did. Instead, she used loving words to communicate that she decided to honour herself and her needs, and therefore took responsibility towards herself and left the marriage. Every woman’s decision to remain in a marriage is based on many variables and must be treated case by case. However, it all starts with self-honour and then practising this skill set daily to build a new thought pattern that reflected her values.

I hope that in the process of sharing my experiences as a coach might shed light on what your next steps may be. You are welcome to contact me if a similar transformational journey is something you crave.

Unstable Relationships

Unstable Relationships

When asked to describe your relationship, would you be inclined to say “When we are good, we are really, really, good. When we are bad, we are really, really bad.”?

When I hear this from my clients, I know their relationship needs serious repair.

I suspect you are thinking a lot about your relationship rather than ‘being’ in your relationship. Rather than acting lovingly towards your partner, you are waiting to see evidence before showing your love for your partner. Love without evidence is what makes a partnership. Faith, trust, and belief in your partner will bring you everlasting love.

To engineer change, it needs to begin with your behaviour and mindset. Not your partner’s behaviour. Begin by becoming aware of the thoughts entering your mind throughout the day. Are they thoughts of gratitude, love and joy? Or perhaps they are anger, frustration, bitterness, etc. If you stay in the gratitude and emit your joy, happiness will come right back to you. You are now in control of your relationship.

My client constantly complained about her marriage until I pointed out some key aspects as to why she might not be happy.

By making changes in her daily routines, such as establishing a daily practice of mindfulness, self-talk, visualizations, and gratitude, both her relationship with herself and her partner improved. I guided her through these incremental changes. I taught her to become uncomfortable, and by holding that discomfort, she gave herself room to grow. The changes she made were small, but the results in her relationship were both meaningful and measurable. Her partner took notice and could not help to reciprocate her joy.

Controlling your mindset is an exercise we do in pillar 2 of my program. It is a 3-month program where we identify the thought patterns that are detrimental to your relationship and replace old patterns with thoughts that spark connectivity and life into your relationship. We do this by creating micro-goals towards the ultimate goal of relationship satisfaction.

Hope this entry helps you in someway and if it did, please let me know.


Episode 4 | Arielle Ford


Unlock the Secret to Finding Your Soulmate:
How to Use Online Dating to Get Specific About What You Want

with guest

 Arielle Ford

Show Notes

Feeling unlucky in your hand in love? Finding love seems difficult, but relationship expert Arielle Ford shares ways to make the search for your soulmate easy by using The Law of Attraction. Rather than settling into the doom and gloom of being alone, we can manifest the partner our soul is calling out for by not only managing our thoughts and beliefs, but most importantly, by opening ourselves up to the possibility that there is someone out there for us.

Arielle Ford is a well-known figure in the contemporary spirituality and personal growth movements. After sharing her personal relationship experience, she became the poster child for women over 40 looking for love, which led her to write 11 books including the international bestseller, THE SOULMATE SECRET: Manifest The Love of Your Life With The Law of Attraction. After 30 years of living, teaching, and promoting consciousness through all forms of media, she is now a celebrated love and relationship expert, author, and speaker.

Episode Highlights:

  • Arielle’s journey to becoming a relationship expert and the Law of Attraction (1:46)
  • The paradox of the Law of Attraction (7:56)
  • Finding your soulmate in an era of online dating (16:56)
  • Don’t resign yourself to never finding love (24:32)
  • Dealing with disagreements and pain in relationships (28:38)
  • Don’t bother with texting until you’re in a relationship (31:37)
  • Preferences vs. Deal Breakers (36:40)
  • Arielle’s advice for online dating (45:01)


Luella Jonk


Arielle Ford

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